


The Fear of Falling Apart

by quicksilvermalec, quicksilverstucky (quicksilvermalec)



Series: Songfics [3]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Pining, Stucky - Freeform, Winter Soldier Bucky, sort of mutual pining, they're gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-15
Updated: 2019-05-15
Packaged: 2020-03-05 23:29:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18838978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quicksilvermalec/pseuds/quicksilvermalec, https://archiveofourown.org/users/quicksilvermalec/pseuds/quicksilverstucky
Summary: Steve remembered every moment he'd ever spent with Bucky.***"This is Gospel" by Panic! At the Disco





	The Fear of Falling Apart

Steve remembered every moment he’d ever spent with Bucky.

He remembered them all because he’d spent them all in love. He remembered every moment he’d spent without Bucky, too, because he’d spent them all wishing he was there beside him.

He remembered the pictures of the man he loved in the file. How they tore at his heart.

He wished the pain would go away.

_This is gospel for the fallen ones_  
_Locked away in permanent slumber_  
_Assembling their philosophies_  
_From pieces of broken memories_

Winter didn’t remember this blond. Well, he sort of did. He felt so familiar, so _right_ , and Winter didn’t know why. He was still trying to piece together his life before the metal arm. It seemed like there was nothing, and yet somehow he knew that this man in front of him was straight out of his past.

Like he was in the future, and the past was slapping him in the face. _How do you leave the past behind…_

He wished the pain would go away.

The gnashing teeth and criminal tongues conspire against the odds  
But they haven’t seen the last of us yet…

Steve didn’t want to believe that this brunet was Bucky. But it was. It so obviously was. He looked different, his hair was longer, but it had to be him. His jawline was the same, his cheekbones, he had the same grey-blue eyes Steve had dreamed of seeing again for years.

And he was dead. He was supposed to be _dead_.

_If you love me, let me go_  
_If you love me, let me go_  
_‘Cause these words are knives that often leave scars_  
_The fear of falling apart_  
_Truth be told, I never was yours_  
_The fear, the fear of falling apart_

“Bucky?” Steve whispered disbelievingly. This man had fought him for weeks, but never once had he shown his face and now that he had Steve’s defenses were down. He knew that if he spoke he’d know.

“Who the hell is Bucky?” he spat, venom in his voice.

And Steve’s heart shattered. Because this was Bucky. He would never forget that voice, the voice of the man he loved more than anything in the world. His voice made Steve’s heart drop into his stomach, and his words made it split into a thousand pieces.

_This is gospel for the vagabonds_  
_Ne’er-do-wells, insufferable bastards_  
_Confessing their apostasies_  
_Led away by imperfect imposters_

Winter stared. He’d called him “Bucky”. Somehow that felt right but he had no memory. Who was Bucky? Why was this “Captain America” confusing Winter for Bucky? Why did he have no memories? Why was this man so familiar? His thoughts spiraled out of control, millions of questions brought to the surface by this face. And behind it all a feeling he’d never known he’d felt.

Love.

_Don’t try to sleep through the end of the world_  
_Bury me alive_  
_‘Cause I won’t give up without a fight_

_If you love me, let me go_  
_If you love me, let me go_  
_‘Cause these words are knives that often leave scars_  
_The fear of falling apart_  
_Truth be told, I never was yours_  
_The fear, the fear of falling apart_

Winter, compelled by his mission, started forward.

Steve, compelled by his best friend, also started to move.

And they clashed on the battlefield.

_Oh, the fear of falling apart_

_Oh, the fear of falling apart_

_Oh, the fear of falling apart_

_Oh, the fear of falling apart_


End file.
